There’s a freedom to being single that I’m really enjoying, and that’s not just me making the best of sour grapes. I chose this path myself, you will recall, it was not chosen for me. I’ve spent too long letting people choose for me, waiting to be chosen, waiting to be kept or discarded, loved or lost. When you’re not conventionally beautiful, that’s your lot in life, unless you’ve got a lot more balls than I ever had. Every relationship I’ve had in my life I have sought out, pursued. I don’t think I’ve ever been asked out on a date in my life. On the other hand, I’ve very rarely been turned down, either. It’s not sad, it’s just my reality.
It’s mentally liberating, this singleness. My body is – my own. No one who matters to me is judging my shape. Only a lover can do that, or people who don’t matter. As a result, I am looking after it, because it is mine and for me alone. There’s a luxurious selfishness about this new state. I have a confidence that I have never had, because the only one allowed to judge right now, the only one who matters, is me. And I am infinitely fair and patient with myself. I’m my favourite.
I don’t have to tailor my conversation to anyone else’s interests. I don’t have to dumb anything down. I don’t have to be demure and prudish. I can be witty and sharp and insightful. I can seek out and talk with whosoever I please about anything I care to discuss. I can flirt shamelessly, without guilt or consequences. I feel magnetic and attractive, because I have no agenda to which to conform. Impunity, I have in spades.
I dance to no one’s piper, play by no one else’s rules. I don’t have to worry about offending or hurting inlaws or outlaws (and I assume you know the difference, there’s a joke hidden in there). I’m not concerned with being hurt, being shoved aside, not being a priority – being pushed into convenient corners of someone else’s life.
It’s my life now, my own, and I’m a freakin’ superstar. I love life today like I never have. And in loving myself, I have more compassion for the rest of humanity as well.