I play by (most) of the rules.  I try to see both sides of an argument.  I try to realize that sometimes, s**t just happens, “due to circumstances beyond our control”.  I try to be kind and treat people in the manner in which I’d like to be treated.

I would just like to say, though, that I am really tired of being crapped on just because people know I won’t make a fuss.  It make SENSE to reschedule the person who won’t make a fuss, rather than the person who will go all apes**t on your head.  It makes your life easier.

But it doesn’t make MY life easier, see?  I’m the one who’s being nice, being rational, being understanding.  And I get shuffled around, tucked into corners where it’s convenient for you.  The person who’s loud, obnoxious and demanding gets what they need, right away, yes sir, yes ma’am.

I’m talking about an incident with my trainer at the gym, but this applies to so many other areas of my life.  I’ve become a doormat.  It destroyed my love life, it affected my academic life, it keeps me back in my career, and I’m really tired of it.  So, how can I learn to be more assertive without being an aggressive, raging monster?  That is today’s question.  How do you get what you need without being a bitch about it?

5 responses »

  1. Over the years I've had a similar problem. My tendency has been to explode every once in a while. Lately though I think it's more about setting boundaries of expectation of others and behaviour of myself and sticking to them, which is the hardest part of course. Sometimes asking whether the person would do the same for me helps me make the decision, if not, f#$k 'em.

  2. Practice. It just takes practice being assertive. Confront, politely. I learned all about this in CBT when I was having panic attacks cuz it's so darn hard sticking up for yourself. I find it easier to stick up for someone else.But you can do it. My mantra: Confront and communicate, confront and communicate.

  3. All very good advice indeed, except possibly the gun, Greg. Strangely enough, I have NO trouble standing up for others, it's just myself that seems to be the problem!

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