I had a rough night. I had a phone conversation last night with a family member who was distraught and in despair. They were overwhelmed by the problems in their life. I just want to make it better, but there’s some stuff I just can’t fix, and it hurts that I can’t stop their suffering. I turned it over and over in my mind all night. I’m going to do everything I can, but it’s not enough.
Someone commented on my facebook last night that was having a bit of a JC moment, wanting to save everyone, and despairing because I can’t. Was I? Maybe I was, small scale. I don’t take myself too seriously, but I’m a worrier. I don’t think any normal person likes to see suffering, a rational reaction is to try to stop it, isn’t it? That’s why charities show us the suffering of those they support, so we’re moved by their plight, hopefully enough to try to help.
I wouldn’t want to be someone who isn’t moved by suffering. Actually, I think they’re called “sociopaths”. I do think, though, that it would be easier if I were a little more thick-skinned. In observing the suffering of others, we take a little of it into our minds. I find it overwhelming sometimes. I never want to say “I don’t care”, because I do care, but sometimes I wish I cared a little less.
Does that make sense? I’m depressed.