Here’s the thing: I don’t like conflict.
I will cross the street to avoid people. I do not forgive and forget. I’m an olympic-calibre grudgeholder. I sometimes screen my calls. I tell little white lies to avoid hurting the feelings of others. I would be the worst lawyer in the world, because I cringe from arguing and I take everything to heart. I want everyone to behave in an agreeable way, which I usually feel is MY way, although surprisingly enough, people often feel differently about that.
My last two relationships ended partially because I don’t argue, I just clam up, walk away, and never say what’s really hurting me, because I think it will make me too vulnerable. So, my opponents just assume they’re right and have won, when in fact, I checked out a long time ago, and the battle never really started. If they won, they won by default. On the upside, it’s got to be an ego boost for them, always being “right”. My exes generally have quite a healthy ego by the time they’re done with me.
I can argue quite nicely on paper, or in a formal, prepared debate setting, about topics in which I have no vested, emotional interest.
Blogging suits me nicely. When I started, I wasn’t sure what kind of feedback I would get. I just figured I’d moderate comments, and delete the negative ones. Well, that’s not quite right. I don’t care if people disagree with me, as long as they’re mature and respectful about it. But this is The Internet, and it’s no place for thin-skinned weirdos like me. I know that.
Over the last year-and-a-third or so, I’ve been very pleased by the response to this blog. I have a very healthy readership, which kind of amazes me, because I generally just kind of ramble on about whatever stupid shit is going through the brain-grinder. By and large, I love my readers and their comments. I know that there’s some people out there who are just creepers who love to hate me (Hi, Creepers!), but most of my readers are friends, or have become friends, and are both interested and interesting.
I have yet to delete a single comment from this blog. This is my space. This is where I get to say what I think, and no one can argue with me. What surprises me is that no one, so far, really seems to want to.
I love your comments. I value your insights. Thanks for reading this thang.