Ready

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Something I’ve noticed lately, is that I have always left a little bit out.

I leave a little space.  I hold a little back.  I leave a window cracked; keep a bit of money aside.  I keep a light burning.  I leave a place set for Elijah.  A small part of my secret heart is mine and mine alone.

I have no idea what this is about.  It’s just – in case.  In case something happens.  In case of need, my own need, or the need of someone else.  I’m not sure who, or what that need might be.  So, I’m not sure what to keep back, and what to use up;  to live for today, or set aside for tomorrow.

There’s a core of something that I need to protect, but it’s buried so far that I can’t even identify it. 

All I know is, that when I get a feeling about something, I need to pay attention to it.  I know, typical Cancer-child, hoodoo, claptrap, existential Lynne nonsense.  But that little voice has been right more often than not, and I ignore it at my own peril.

And yet, I feel light, and hopeful.  Whatever it is, it has not come yet, and isn’t on the horizon any time soon.  Life is steady, slow and sweet.  Stresses are controlled, demons are locked in the cupboard.  I can hear them scratch and scrabble at times, but mostly, they’re quiet.  I’ve stopped feeding them.

But I am ready.  I am always ready, and always have been.

 

 

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