As I get older, I’m still looking for connections. I want it all to have meant something, if you know what I mean.
I look at women-my-age around me. They’re all doing Drum Circles, or Yoga, or Belly-Dancing, or even freakin’ Hula-Hooping. They are creating art, painting, writing, sculpting. They want to be crones; elders; Wise Women. And perhaps they are. Some of them just look a bit silly to me, though. Not all, just – some. And hey, if you’re doing any of those things because you just happen to like doing them, more power to you.
I know other women who swear by gardening, or baking – the real hands-on, back-to-the-earth stuff. Nurturing, wholesome, caring people. Food-is-love people, people who are growing beautiful things and providing healthy sustenance. And hey, that’s great too, if it feeds your spirit, go for it.
The problem is, I think I’m okay. I feel empowered all by myself. I raised two kids by myself. I’ve always supported myself. I try to look after my body (although I often stumble, I do keep getting back on that horse). I have all kinds of interests, but I tend to flit from thing to thing. I know a little tiny bit about an awful lot of things, really. I like cooking, when I feel like it. Generally when I’m hungry. I also like hands-on, crafty stuff, but I’m not a Mistress of Fibre by any stretch of the imagination. I don’t belong to a Guild. I don’t give lessons. I don’t go to seminars. I like to play the guitar, and sing a little bit, but usually just for the benefit of the cat. I’m not very good (and I’m not being modest, I’m just not very good). I like painting, too, but just little cartoony stuff that makes me laugh, mostly.
What my interests tend have in common with each other, though, is that they are largely solitary pursuits. I don’t take classes at the gym, I train alone. I don’t sing in a choir, I sing in a Hyundai, mostly. Sometimes I go to a knitting group, but mostly not.
And yet, I believe. I believe in a universal consciousness. I believe in power of the nurturing feminine. I believe in UFOs, Sasquatch and other dimensions. I wonder if I would feel more connected if I found the right group of women to connect with. But really, I think the women I would most connect with are women like me, who are mostly just happy to putter alone.