Second Hand Rose


I’ve started thinking about wedding plans. Wanna drive yourself nuts? Go look at wedding sites on the internet. Watch bridal shows on TV. Get nauseated at the “bigger, better, more expensive” culture that is wedding planning. Huge, glittery, poofy dog-and-pony shows. Then, throw up your hands and do what you wanted to do in the first place. So far, I’ve been scoping things out and putting them up on Pinterest, and narrowing down what I want that way. It’s a useful tool.

I’m astounded at the complicated “rules” and “etiquette” for weddings. Here’s my rules: 1. Find someone you can’t imagine being without. 2. Marry them.

I’m over-thinking this, for sure. We don’t even have a date yet, as we’ve still got a lot of logistics to sort out. The one thing we know is: we both want this.

There are so many traditions that I’ve examined and rejected. I don’t want a diamond, for starters. I’d like a garnet, my mother’s birthstone, and I’ve found someone who hand-makes beautiful rings from ethically mined stones and reclaimed silver. They’re beautiful, they mean something, and we can have them engraved on the inside, with whatever sentiments we wish to share with each other.

I want to get married in my bare feet (for reasons that probably make sense only to me). I don’t want a big white poofy dress, for a million reasons. Come on, I’m six feet tall, will shortly be 50 years old, and I have two kids. I don’t think it’s appropriate. I didn’t even wear white to my first wedding! I think I might wear Indian trousers. I’ve seen some lovely things online, and you can order them made-to-measure very reasonably. We’re definitely not getting married in a church, either. Sorry, God.

Our best man is a woman. I’m not sure who I want to ask to be my best woman yet – too many options – how do you choose just one person when you have so many awesome friends? But, it’s not a big fancy wedding with a huge bridal party, I just need one person. But how do I choose just one when I have so many wonderful friends?

Apparently you don’t walk down the aisle on your father’s arm for a second wedding, either, you walk by yourself. Not only can my dad not sell me, he can’t even give me away! But I think my dad would be thrilled to walk me. And what about my sons? They are so vitally dear to my life. Maybe they should they walk me? Is it awkward to invite people who were guests at your first wedding to attend your second wedding, or does it just mean you have awesome friends who have been around for years? What about my niece and nephews? My brother is performing the ceremony, which we are absolutely thrilled about. I can’t think of anything nicer. But what about my dear sweetie pie sister-in-law? What about family members from whom we’re estranged, or who live far away? Do we invite them and expect a no-show? Also, I want everyone to bring their kids. I hate weddings where kids are excluded. Kids are awesome, and often the best dancers!

What about cakes, and dinners, and halls, and a band? Well, Den knows a million musicians, so I don’t expect that’s an issue. Sit-down dinner, or maybe a late-night buffet? Can my friends and I make food for the reception, or do halls frown on that? Do we have to have a sit-down dinner? Cash bar? That’s a given, we’re broke, and many of my friends are good little drinkers. Also, we don’t want gifts, but want to choose a charity if people want to donate in lieu of a gift. What charity do we choose?

I’d love to get married outdoors in Jackson’s Park, but what if it rains? What if, what if, what if?

So, here’s my “must-haves”:

1. Man I love.
2. Family and friends.
3. Good music.
4. Food and drink.

Everything else is superfluous.



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