Ready, Freddy


“Are you ready for Christmas?”  “Are you done all your shopping/wrapping/baking whatever it is that you do?”   “I can’t believe it’s only 11 months until Christmas!  I’m hardly started!”  “Ready for Santa?”

Please don’t ask me any of these questions, unless you’re ready for a dirty look and a non-commital grunt. 

I like the holidays as much as the next person.  No, wait, that’s probably not true.  The next person always seems to be wearing a Santa hat, reindeer sweater, and light-up earrings.  So, I probably don’t.  I like seeing my family.  I like sitting down to eat a meal together.  I even like Christmas music, pa rum pa pum pum, and all that.  Truly.

I don’t like the overdrive that chartible organizations go into this time of year.  I’m an all-year giver, don’t try to guilt me at Christmas.  And the Salvation Army – unless you want to hear my diatribe about why you’ll never get another fucking penny from me, you might want to back off when I fail to make eye contact, you homophobic bastards.

I don’t send Christmas cards, although I do keep an extensive naughty-and-nice list of people to whom I would or pointedly would NOT send cards, were I to take up card-sending.  I have a tiny artificial tree. I don’t like vacuuming up pine needles and pulling tinsel out of the cat’s ass.  I might bake some stuff, maybe.  I might buy some baked stuff from my friend who likes to bake – by the way Leesa, are you doing pies this year?  I do a big turkey meal, and turkey enchiladas the next day, which is about as close to a tradition as we get. 

I come from a very small family of introverts.  I hope to see both of my brothers and my dad over the holidays, although things are very weird in the fam right now.  As far as I know, everyone’s still speaking to me, so, that’s cool I guess.

I always hope that people will just intuitively know what I want for Christmas. I always find, to my surprise, that they cannot read my mind.  Hint:  Girl-people rarely want appliances or electronics.  I find, though, that the few times I have been clear about what I want, regardless of how modest, no one listens anyway.  I do put a great deal of thought and effort into gifts for others.  I am a great fan of the personal, no matter how small, I am always more pleased by something that was obviously made/purchased with me very much in mind.

I might have a few glasses of wine.  I might hum a few carols.  I might hang out and play scrabble with the loved ones. 

Really, how ready do I have to be? 


2 responses »

  1. I have this fantasy that those who love me will know what I want/need/would love for Christmas. It is one of my pledges to myself in mid-adulthood that I will learn to deal gracefully with the fact that this just ain’t so.
    This year, I feel like I’ve made the purchasing of gifts into something of a treat for myself. It has been FUN to pick things out for people, to buy locally, to wrap nicely (I am generally wrapping impaired). Now, if the kids would just promise not to view Christmas gifts as a barmeter of parental affection, I’d be totally chill.

  2. So….. I wasn’t ready for Christmas, so I was running around like an idiot (wearing my Santa hat) when I should have been reading Lynne’s blog. Yes, I made pie. Sorry you missed it. Glad you got in on the cookies though!

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