OH, the Thinks I Can Think…

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I’m not even sure which blog this post should go on. It’s health-related, but more mental than physical, I guess, so probably here? I don’t know.

The lats time I had surgery, it completely changed my life. I am not exaggerating, it truly did. I had no emotional problems with the hysterectomy, although I understand that that is a very common, serious side-effect. However, I was near the end of my child-bearing years (or, “didn’t have a lot of miles left on me”, as my gynaecologist so charmingly phrased it). I’d had my tubes tied in 1994, right after I had my younger son, and I had no intention of ever having more children anyway, so I think it really didn’t hit me in the same way it would someone younger, who still wanted those options open. I had some difficulty with hot flashes, and went on HRT for a while, but decided to live with it instead. I have found that diet, exercise and the passage of time have all but eliminated them.

The real change, I found, was in my outlook. One morning, after a foggy round of percocets, I was watching “Hogan Knows Best” on TV. I had come around to the conclusion that the Hulkster really is the voice of reason, and we should really just do as he says, when it occurred to me that it was time to get off the junk…

Once that happened, my brain went into total overdrive. I did a lot of “pro and con” lists. I cut some people out of my life, people who made me unhappy and drained me. I came to a place of honesty with myself. I decided to trust my judgment, stick to my guns, respect and honour myself. I decided to make serious changes, and I made them. I have no regrets about any of those decisions. I’m at the very best time in my life, right here, right now. I am what I am, like it or not.

So, this time – now what? What am I going to think about? I really have no complaints about my life. My children are grown, both doing well and finding their ways. I have a modestly successful career in a field which makes a difference to the lives of many. I have close, caring friends and family. I have a partner who loves me and respects me. I have interests and hobbies, too many even, sometimes. I have my physical health back, and my confidence.

So, what the hell am I going to think about for four weeks at home?

The 3 – 5 days in the hospital will go quickly, honestly, the morphine pump is better than TV. It’s those weeks at home alone with the cat that worry me…

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