Maybe the Last Entry for 2012, but Probably Not

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Another year – already?  Really?  Time is whizzing by so quickly.

This year – my youngest moved out to go to university.  I’m so, so proud of him, thrilled that he’s chosen a field in which he will not make a ton of money, but will make many, many lives better.  So, for the first time in my life, I find myself living alone.  It’s – kind of nice.  Kind of weird.  Cats are driving me bananas.  Grace is suffering severe separation anxiety since her boys are both gone.  I’ve rediscovered cooking, but have chosen to hire a cleaner.

This year – I’ve continued my journey towards a healthier body and mind.  I had (at one point) reached my goal weight.  I quit smoking over three weeks ago.  My weight has crept up a bit, but nothing I can’t handle in the longer run.  Better I stay off the smokes, but I can’t let it get away from me, either.   I’m ready for my surgery in January, and looking forward to a (hopefully) rapid and successful recovery as a result of the work I’ve done.  I’m looking forward very much to the months post-recovery and  pre-50th birthday, during which I intend to ramp up my fitness even more, eat clean and lean, and stay off the smokes.  June 28, 2013, the day on which I will celebrate a half-century of complete confusion, will mark the fittest day of my life to date

This year – I got over someone who didn’t deserve me, and made me feel miserable about myself.  I made my own closure and I got my self-esteem back.  I’m fucking funny again, also pretty hot for an old broad, although I’m no Betty White, for sure. 

This year – I have enjoyed support and encouragement from so many people, both close friends (new and old) and people who barely know me.  I’ve rediscovered the power of kind words, both receiving and giving them to others.  Small things, minor kindnesses, are what make life lovely and comfortable, and I think I’ve learned to appreciate them more.

This year – I found Someone.  NO, I found – The Someone.  And I will say it publicly, I am lucky, and I am blessed, Den, that you choose to hang around in my weird little life, and that you love me just as I am.  For some reason, you think I’m smart, and funny and beautiful and you even like my cooking.  You’ve woken me up again, brought the hope and wonder back, baby, and I love you.  I love what you do, and how passionate you are about your work.  I love your gentleness and thoughtfulness and your wonky sense of humour, and how much we laugh together.  I like that we spend a lot of time doing nothing-at-all, hanging at home, cooking and laughing, drinking coffee and playing scrabble.  Being weird together, because we’re the same KIND of weird, really.  It’s not that we don’t need anyone else around, of course, we do, but we’re comfortable alone, too.  All y’all reading this probably think I’m just a hopeless romantic, but I’m not, I’m not, I’m a very hopeful romantic, and I have every reason to be.  Third time’s a charm.  Remember when I said – no more bass players?  Umm…I lied.  Sorry guys. 

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This year – my life seems smaller, but more concentrated.  I feel reduced to more essential elements, somehow, purer and rarer and like my life has become more valuable.  I choose more carefully where I direct my energy.  I’ve been paring down and eliminating negatives, striving for quality and mindfulness, and I find it really is making me happy.  I’m learning to be quiet.  I may not laugh as loudly, but I think I laugh more, and I very rarely cry.

So, if next year brings just more of the same, that would be fine by me.  I have health, love and happiness.  I’m employed.  I have goals, but I’m also quietly contented.

Yeah.  So, best year ever, really.

 

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8 responses »

  1. I like you, & I like hearing good things like this. Thx for being one of those people out there in the world who makes me feel really excited about turning into a Real Grownup (more or less.)

  2. Six months ago, I had a satisfactory life. Just me, but making a difference in my new profession (not serving a corporation,) good friends and family, not rich, not poor. It was OK. Then this lady and I met. I wasn’t searching for anyone, nor was she. And yet, a beautiful, unimaginable process seemed to unfold. It was nuclear, loving, real, and completely out of my experience. She has filled a dark void in my life that I was completely unaware of; and I can’t imagine a life without her. We are uniquely on the same page, whether laughing, hugging, or talking-she is central to my life; and yet we respect each other’s space to enjoy our own liives, friends, and pursuits. To state that I respect her is accurate, to say that I love her only reflects my tacit pursuit for a word which I cannot locate.
    She is truly my Love. Den

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