There are two tattoos I need to get, still. Need? Arguably, no one “needs” a tattoo. However, last summer I got a crow in honour of my older son. As you’ll recall, I have two children, so, yes, “need” is the right word here. I want a moose, he’s always been Moose, ever since he was a wee babe, and after much poring-over of images, this is what I’ve come up with:
Most images of moose are cartoonish, silly big bumbling fools of moose. I wanted something with a little grandeur, serenity and dignity. Having Bullwinkle on my calf for all eternity doesn’t appeal to me, nor does it encompass what I want to say about my son. I love the stylized Haida art, as well, and this image is clean and monochromatic, so it nicely complements the crow on my other leg.
There is one last tattoo I need to get, and it’s for myself. In 1986, when I was engaged to be married, we went out to Beachcomber Bill’s in Parkdale for tattoos. It’s a wonder I’m not dead, I suppose. Anyway, I got a very small bluebird on the front of my right shoulder. It was supposed to be the Bluebird of Happiness. However, my ex-husband’s cat took to licking it at night, and it really didn’t heal well, and turned out to be the Blue Blob of Despair. It’s a reminder of a time in my life of confusion, and poor judgment. Not my best days, indeed.
Over the last two years, I’ve gained a lot of clarity and peace in my life. I’ve accepted a lot of things that just aren’t going to change, and changed a lot of things in positive ways. I know who I am, and what my values are. I’ve given up on compromise, which makes no one truly happy. I’m not just existing at this point, I am truly living, mindfully and purposefully. It’s brought me peace, happiness, and a great love in my life. By not compromising my values, or devaluing myself, I found someone who brings me boundless joy.
And so, once I’ve honoured my young lad, my next tattoo will be to cover up the Blue Blob of Despair. I want to get a Phoenix, rising from its own ashes, recreated and reborn, as we all are, every day we wake up on the grassy side of the earth.