I am not any more than marginally better, but I DO have a plan. If I can’t turn it around on my own in the next two weeks, I’m going back to the doc to get back on the pills. I feel defeated, because I thought that finally, FINALLY I had this licked through disciplined diet and exercise. But that big ol’ black dog licked me instead, stuck his stinkin’ slobbery tongue right in my ear.
Concrete plans for the next two weeks:
1. Keep on working. Talking to people whose lives are truly desperate puts a little perspective on things. But STOP taking the misery home. I don’t take actual work home, just the associated misery. I need to leave it on my desk. It bottles up, because for reasons of confidentiality, I really can’t vent about my clientele, but just trust me, I hear horrible, horrible things sometimes, which disturb me on all kinds of levels.
2. Don’t skip ANY social engagements, including knitting, tea with Leesa and church. I may not have the energy to seek out anything new, but I MUST continue with the social engagements I have already prearranged. Regardless of how hard it is to interact with people, I have to believe that people are inherently good and are NOT, in fact, laughing at me. They are laughing WITH me.
3. Don’t stay in bed all day on the weekend. It helps not at all, regardless of how pleasant and safe it is. Nothing can hurt me in bed. Unless I stick my foot out from under the covers, then I’m fair game for closet monsters.
4. Continue with the Eulogy Project. Continue to find and appreciate the good in people. If it’s there in so many other people, there must be some in me I can find.
5. Amp up my workouts. As my weight plateaued, so, I suspect, did my endorphin load. Started this in earnest this morning. It was getting a bit too easy.
6. Eat mindfully and healthfully. I’m also very seriously considering vegetarianism, but I think that will have to wait until the fall when Boy Number Two moves out. I eat less and less meat, and I don’t think it would be terribly difficult at this point to cut it out entirely, which makes sense to me from an environmental perspective as well as health-wise.
7. Spend a few minutes a day in silent meditation. Clear out the cobwebs, let the mind rest.
Thanks all for your words of encouragement.
PS – Is there anything the Ramones DON’T know?