Burnt

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My life, usually so sweet, tastes burnt and bitter in my mouth today. Usually I can see the sunny side, laugh at the absurdity of my misfortunes, and count my blessings. Today, though, I feel like it’s all stick and no carrot; like a hamster running on a stupid wheel and getting nowhere, until eventually his heart gives out and he dies. I keep doing the same things over and over, making the same mistakes, having the same regrets.

I feel cruel, selfish and empty today. I feel like a joke, that no one takes seriously. This is the underside of the sweet, intuitive Cancer person. We secretly loathe everything, most particularly ourselves.

The sun’ll come out tomorrow, right?

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5 responses »

  1. Chin up Lynne, this too will pass…like gas, stinking fucking shitty rotting gas….there, gone, let someone else pick up the scent of their own lazy seritonin (sp). I always think, I’m going to die anyway and apparently it’s quite the trip, so I’m just going to hang out and have some chocolate…ok, more chocolate…..just a bit more….there, much better.

  2. I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling like this Lynne. It does happen to the best of us, but that information never really seems to make it any easier when it is happening to you. Sometimes it helps me to know that it isn’t ME, it’s the response of my brain to some chemical/hormonal/neuro cocktail that my glands are forcing upon me. And it willllll pass – so hang on for the ride, and try to kick the negatives out with positive self-talk. I hope it passes quickly for you. XO

  3. Aw, Lynne. Take good care of your Magnificent Self. I do know whereof you speak and YES, it sucks…blue whale. For what it’s worth, I inherited some lousy neurochemistry and, although I haven’t always felt this way – I now accept without question that I’ll need anti-depressants for the rest of my life. Diabetics aren’t expected to yoga their way out of their chemistry. They need insulin. That’s just my two cents. Whatever works for you. I am truly sorry, though, that things are shitty. I agree – keep writing. Love and Hugs from me and Owl. xo

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