Love in the 21st Century


I had a friend once (well, still do, I just don’t see her much), who was divorced, with two kids. She started seeing a guy who was also divorced, with two kids, one of whom had very special, high needs. That kid needed her dad. She didn’t need to share her dad with my friend’s kids, in fact, couldn’t. At the time, my friend and her guy needed each other. Neither was rich.

They came up with a very elegant solution. They bought a duplex together. Now, in the long run, it didn’t work out between them, but at the time, it suited everyone very well.

I’ve started thinking about different kinds of relationships. I was married once, a long time ago. We lived together, raised kids and had the proverbial “two cats in the yard”. Now, I’m not on this blog to slam anyone, so I’m not going to get into details of why it didn’t work out, but it didn’t. He was a lot older than me, and our energy levels were quite different. But I had that very domestic, nuclear family experience at one time, for over ten years. At the time, it was what I wanted, and it suited me.

After that ended, I ran into an old flame from my highschool days. We had a fantastic, sensual fairy-tale romance, that also lasted over ten years. But, cozy domesticity was not in the picture. It was a long-distance relationship, and it required a lot of time and travel. I thought he was the great romantic love-of-my-life, and for a time, he really was. I loved that man absolutely to distraction. Again, I’m not here to slam anyone. Needless to say, that also came to end. We had different needs, and different interests.

Both relationships were ended by me, but they were also mutual partings, and I think everyone was vastly relieved by the end.

Now, on the shy side of fifty, I consider myself to have a very rich life. My boys have grown into very fine men, I still have those same two cats, both quite elderly but in relatively good health. I don’t own a home anymore, but I live in a lovely townhouse, on the edge of a beautiful park. I have a challenging, fulfilling career. I don’t make bad money, either. I have my spinning, and knitting and my blog. I have many loyal, intelligent, interesting friends.

I’m a bit of an eccentric, to say the least. I hear my own drummer. I’ve taken charge of my health and I’m starting to feel really good about myself physically. I have more energy, and the arthritis in my knees has vastly improved. I’ve taken up singing again, just for myself, with the same guitar I had when I was thirteen. It’s wonderful.

Honestly, I’d just like to get laid once in a while. Relationships are complicated. I don’t know that I’m ready for one again, or if I’ll ever be ready. I’m pretty set in my ways, and particular about my surroundings. I’ve looked at online dating services and they are absolutely not for me. I feel like I’m trying to sell myself as some kind of meat product, maybe spam. There’s a lot of bitter, odd people out there, and they all seem very concerned with appearance. I’m not a bad looking broad for someone my age, but I’m just not into trying to pique someone’s interest on my appearance alone. It seems shallow, and I think it’s a little dangerous. I understand that “that’s how people meet nowadays”, but…no.

People make all kinds of arrangements, and there are all kinds of relationships. I need to start thinking outside the box.


2 responses »

  1. So cool. So true. I wish I could be at Stichapalooza ’cause I’d love to talk with you about this – and lots of other stuff. Maybe we could go for coffee or something next weekend.

  2. Next time? I can’t this weekend, I have a commitment Saturday night in Toronto! But yes, let’s get together and talk about this. I think we’re on the same boat. I just hope it’s not called “Titanic”… 🙂

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