I’m really angry at a lot of shit right now, past shit, shit I wish I had done differently, or at least reacted to differently.
If I have one major character flaw (who am I kidding, I have many), it’s that I absolutely cannot forgive and forget and let go of the past.
I’m still pissed at people who fucked around with me thirty-five years ago, or even longer. I still obsess over vengeful things I’ve done, merited or not, of lies I’ve told, shitty things I’ve done.
If there’s one thing I need to work on, it’s forgiving myself and other people. I’m hardest of all on myself. I am not a nice person, believe me. I’ve grown a lot as a person over the past six months or so, but forgiveness is still beyond me. and forgetting is for suckers. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, fuck you for all time.
From the outside, I look in and I think I have a terrible attitude. But from in here, I can’t let go, even though some of the players involved probably don’t even remember my name. I have a long memory. I wish I didn’t.