Dance Me To the End of Time


Everyone has a secret wish. But, not everyone spills their guts on a blog.

So, know what?

I really really wish I could dance.

I mean DANCE, muthahs. I mean Karen Kain, Billy Elliot, Fred and Ginger DANCE.

I can do the Lindsay shuffle. I’m really self-conscious about dancing, because I’m remarkably uncoordinated and a bit like Big Bird, so I generally have to have a lot of liquor in me.

Back in the community theatre days, I was in the back line of the chorus. Not because of my voice – I have a terrific voice. It was the dancing, the terrible, terrible, two-left-feet.

I can slow dance, mostly because it’s just vertical sex with clothes on. I can slam dance, because it’s mostly just jumping up and down and screaming. But I can’t really dance, expressively and beautifully.

Part of it’s just genetics. I’m not a tiny, boobless, superfit ballerina type. I don’t think I’d be very liftable, frankly. I also come from a long and distinguished line of gorky dancers. We don’t dance, don’t ask us. If you really want us to, you need to buy us a couple of drinks first.

I was at a Christmas dance last week, and apparently did have enough liquor in me (or so I was told the next day). I danced and danced. I danced so much, my knees seized up the next day. I danced with everyone, including buddy Lois, the best little dancer you ever SAW.

But even through all the liquor, I still kinda felt like an ostrich.

I’d love to take ballroom dancing lessons, but I don’t think it’s a good way to meet single hetero guys.

And so, given the choice, I usually do dance. I should sit on the sidelines, but I don’t. Whatcha gonna do, call the Boogie Police?


8 responses »

  1. I was informed that Phillip was the best dancer at the JK age birthday party he went to last Saturday…maybe the curse is finally over in the next generation (’cause I sure can’t dance either).

  2. Me too! I even remember having a lot of fun in co-ed phys-ed doing square dancing. I love-love-love it. I took ballet for years as a kid. To this day, classical ballet holds the most magic for me of all the arts. And about 10 years ago, I took flamenco – now there’s a dance style that makes you feel grounded and powerful! The point is to be strong, hold your shoulders back, and make noise!

    Ya know, you should take ballroom dancing. If you want to dance, who cares if the guys aren’t straight, right? The straight ones aren’t likely to be much fun, ballroom dancing-wise anyway.

    Or flamenco!

    One of these years, I want to square dance again.

  3. Ok, I love the new look, and I think I can leave a comment with ease…what the fuck happened with google? It doesn’t matter because I think this wordpress look is better much more user friendly. And shouldn’t users be friendly…in the beginning anyway. Have an amazing Christmas, this new blog is a new beginning….Greg

  4. Lynne – anytime you want to dance, you’ve got a partner. I had a great time dancing with you last week and didn’t seem to notice that you were self concious. You must have had enough to drink (or maybe I did lol) because I thought you were doing great!

  5. also a wordpress fan. Although I miss the knitted monsters at the top 🙂
    Dale dances well, I shake what I’ve got and hope for the best.

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