Didja ever have one of those days when you just felt like a big fraud?
I’m surprised I can function in society, sometimes. I’m certainly surprised I’m employed at all, or have ever been able to sustain a relationship for any length of time. I’m a fraud. If all y’all only knew what I fuckup I am, how much I flounder just trying to figure out the world around me, you’d turf me to the curb in an instant.
I feel like I’m pretending to be a nice person most of the time, when in reality I’m a misanthropic troll. Like I’m pretending to be a professional person when in fact I’m a moron. Like I’m pretending to be self-confident when I really am just a jellyish mass of self-doubt. Like I’m a humanity-loving optimist, an open-minded, intelligent being., when in fact I’m just lurching around looking for food, mostly, or a good place to nap where no one will bother me.
This could be a real problem if I ever start dating again (which, in my current frame of mind, is unlikely to happen any time soon).