Don and Donna Go To Bat or Why I Won’t Wear Lieutenant Uhura’s Velvety Red Underpants

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One of my favourite picture books as a little one was called “Don and Donna Go To Bat”.  I don’t know who wrote it or illustrated it.  I remember it as the story of identical twins, a brother and sister called Don and Donna.

Hit the brakes, there, sparky, I know that identical twins are always the same gender.  But in this book, they weren’t.  It’s fiction, okay?  Suspend your disbelief.

So, they’re identical gingers, right down to the freckles on their adorable little faces.  They both love baseball, but of course Donna isn’t allowed to play because she has a vagina, which apparently is a big problem in baseball.  Not sure why.

Anyway, forward to the day of the Big Game.  Don comes down with some pussy wussy illness, and can’t play.  Oh no!  He’s the star player!  Whatever will they do?

Well, in a fairly predictable turn of events, Donna tucks her hair up under her hat and puts on her big girl panties, hits a fuckin’ home run and saves the day.  F**k you, Little League, F**k you.

I really liked that book.  See, those were different times.  My career options as a chick looked somewhat limited to me when I was little.  Nurse (ick), teacher (hell no), ballerina (hmm…Versteeg coordination working against me there), or mommy.

What I really wanted to be was Captain James T. Kirk, or possibly a land surveyor.  Well, wait – I kind of wanted to BE Captain Kirk and marry him at the same time.  It was a little confusing.  But no way was I wearing Uhura’s red underpants, I’ll tell you that much.  Seems like a little bit of an impractical outfit for the type of interstellar swashbuckling for which I pined.  I was pretty sure it had something to do with that vagina thing again…

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6 responses »

  1. So I'm reading your blog and you bring up important ideas about gender equity, but we get to your thing for Kirk, and all I can thing of is Captain Picard….Kirk never did it for me. Too much of a ladies man. Even if the ladies were often another species and colour which was so progressive. I simply hated the way he talked. It was always so over the top and insincere. Picard on the other hand, no doubt also a ladies man. But I suspect he'd make you feel you were the only person and point in the universe…

  2. What about Captain Benjamin Sisko? Now there's a real man, actually capable of having a relationship (with the fabulous freighter Captain Kassidy Yates – she even went to jail and he still loved her), and OMG, even a kid (Jake Sisko)!

  3. While I do believe the over all message is great, Donna still ends up “managing” the team by cleaning and stocking the equipment rather then playing. Would love to see this story updated.

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