Just Don’t Call Me Late for Dinner


I was embarrassed to discover recently that I had been addressing our temp by the wrong name.  For several days, I was calling her “Rebecca”.  I know several Rebeccas, but apparently she’s not one.  I’m so embarrassed!  I wish she had said something sooner.

I was saddled with some name issues as a child.  I’ve always been called Lynne.  WITH an “E”, for starters.  Even when I send someone a memo signed “Lynne”, the reply almost invariably starts with “Dear Lynn”.  Even people who have known me for years misspell my name.  Although I rarely bother correcting people anymore, I would just like to go on the record as saying it matters to me, and it bothers me.  I remember as a kid checking the calendar in the kitchen, and on a Thursday, my dad had written “Lynn – dentist”.  I confronted him, and he was a little annoyed.  He taught a lot of kids, he explained, he couldn’t be expected to remember how to spell everyone’s name.  *sigh*  Okay…

In grade 8, Mr. Parkhill asked me why I was spelling my name with an “E”.  I was kind of confused, and just said, well, that’s how I’ve always spelled it.  He asked me if that was how my parents spelled it.  Yes, I said, that’s my name, that’s how we spell it.  He looked into it for me, and apparently the records at BPS had it spelled incorrectly.  Thanks for sorting that out, Mr. P.

My first name is actually Andrea, after my great-grandmother (pronounced ahn-DRAY-a, actually, if you want to get fussy).  No one has ever actually called me that.  So, I sign everything “A. Lynne Campb3ll”, which looks pretty pretentious, or “A. Lynne Verst33g” as I never legally changed my name back to my maiden name after my divorce, for a number of reasons, not the least of which was ease of spelling.  But if I don’t put that “A” in there,  no one can find me on their database.

Telemarketers actually call our house and ask for “A”.  Honestly, guys, it’s a dead giveaway.  Really, who names a kid “A”?  Or they ask for “A. Lynne”.  I generally tell them I am THE Lynne, thankyouverymuch, and who are they?

Even my employers have it wrong.  For a long time, my pay statements had my correct name on them, but somewhere along the line, instead of “A. Lynne Campb3ll”, I became “Lynn A. Campb3ll”.  Fortunately, the money still goes into my account, so it matters very little to me. All other correspondence from my employer, however, has my correct name on it.

See, the explanation is simple.  The parents always intended to call me Lynne, and Andrea after my great-grandmother.  However, this would have made my initials L.A.V., and where my mum comes from, that’s the toilet.  So, they just flipped it around.

Deep down, in my secret heart, I am and always have been just Lynne Verst33g.

And you’d think it would be that simple.

What? What?

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